if i don’t start writing something soon, it might take me another 2 mths not to write, so i thought i better write something…
i’m gonna talk about friendships.
relationships are important to me, friends to me are supposed to be for life. my mom used to lament that i treat my friends better than family & i’ll die without friends. i like to keep friends around, i take initiative, i make effort to keep up, i’m interested to know what’s going on in their lives.
however, it seemed that such sentiments are very often not reciprocated or so i think. so i realised that i’ve been dropping friends along the way as i grow older, so i have dropped many friends – friends whom i shared secrets with, friends whom i admired, friends whom i thought i could keep for life. but with a broken heart each time, i had to let go of each friendship.
after taking most if not all of the initiative in trying to catch up with friends, i get a lil’ tired and especially now that i’ve got many other priorities ever since becoming a wife & mom. so occasionally, i decided i shall stop taking the initiative to call friends & asked “do you wanna catch up?”, i get tired also because sometimes it seemed i have to ask several times, if they’re not free, they jus say they can’t make it for that date, but they don’t tell me which other alternative dates they can make it. so after several times of checking back with them, i get slightly peeved & felt like a nag.
so the gist of it is, i’m getting real tired of taking initiative, i’m tired of keeping up with friends…i’ve tried my best…so i stopped taking the initiative and realised that these friends don’t keep up as long as i don’t take the initiative…it hurts, it hurts real bad when it 1st hit. all sorta questions & doubts going thru my mind: do they not cherish the friendship, are they not interested how i’m getting on, will they not call forever as long as i don’t…it started to feel like its all just one-sided “affairs”. its sad, i tell you.
but another truth is, i decided i will just let things be, i don’t have that much energy & mental strength anymore to keep up. i’ll just stick to a handful of friends who have seen me thru thick & thin, sorrows & joys, and who still bother to keep up, who still bother to be interested in how things are going on in my life.
having said that, though i’ve dropped some friends, but i’ve gained a few new friendships that i must say i’m very happy about. friends who haven’t known me for long but are an immense source of support, encouragement & joy!!
so i decided that i’ll be an extremely happy person to have just a small handful of friends to grow old with me. 😀