he was pulled by the shirt. he was forced to kiss her. his hands were pushed away. what he was playing were constantly being snatched away. toys were periodically being stuffed in his face. his hair being pulled without a moment of warning. he was randomly pushed away suddenly. all this while, I was trying to constantly intervene but split seconds of my inattention, my poor bun was terrorised in this manner for a duration of 3hrs. and all this while, bun was trying to be a gentleman, trying to stay calm, till he took it no more, and burst in tears after his hair was pulled the 2nd, or the 3rd time. object of utter bouts of passion’s mom looking very apologetic, came to stroke his cheeks while sobbing in my arms. then came these words:
“oh its ok, its ok, you good boy right? just pulled a little bit, not very painful hor, its ok right”
my cheeks started to get hot, my heart thumping faster, and I thought fire was about to spew out of my mouth, but I found a rock stuck in my throat. I wanted to give a death stare, and just leave the scene. but I just stood there, holding my hurting, crying bun, silent, stumped for words.
IT IS NOT OK, dear mom. not ok for your daughter to terrorize my son. not ok for you to not intervene and stop her. not ok that you allow her to have these actions. not ok that she inflicts hurt. not ok to tell my son that it’s ok. not ok to dismiss my son’s emotions. I know you probably didn’t mean ill, and most likely not know how else to respond but you needed to respond. But it is still not ok to say its ok because you don’t know any better.
“it’s ok” is one of the least helpful things to say. in saying that, emotions are dismissed, feelings not acknowledged & validated, matters are just made worse. so pls if in any case, you don’t know what to say, it’ll be better to just be there. sometimes silence brings more comfort than any word can.